Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
