Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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