Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ttyl tear gas
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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