So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
