I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
