thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
