yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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