After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
