i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
