the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
