Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
