OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
