I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
