I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
