If i come over, it means nothing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
