very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
