Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
