I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
