hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
