I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
