Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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