and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
