who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
