I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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