Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
