Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
