She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
