One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
