can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
