He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
