Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and she was petting her beer can
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
