how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
