Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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