if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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