A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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