DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
