Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can text with my tongue
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
