wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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