i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
