and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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