Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
