i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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