that's an acceptable place to lick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
