wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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