I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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