he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
