Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
