So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
