I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
