One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
