dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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